What am I doing?

Who am I, Where am I, now …What am I doing?

What in the world am I doing? I do a lot, a lot of things that keep me so busy and on the other hand also keep me from what I should be doing. It is a hard knock life for sure when we really start to go below the surface of Christianity. These are just my thoughts, I am being practical and maybe not so biblical but do believe they have spiritual application.

Is it just me, or the closer I get to Jesus, the harder things become. It’s almost like; I have brush, weeds, vines and bushes growing so quickly in front of me as to become obstacles in my path. I have to fight harder to get through the day, more so than others, but there is always something. Now you may be thinking is she talking about things, people or what. I think I am talking about what is real and what is not. What am I doing and why am I doing it. Am I using my Bible as a machete to cut through the cr-p?

There were times I just followed, trusted, and did what everyone else did. Watched a lot of TV, allowed myself the enjoyment of life, fun, and relaxation. Somewhere, sometime, my eyes started to open to the things I spent my time on. Even how I spent time with people, friends, those who needed an ear to process their pains. Wow, the time spent trying to get others “saved” without the power of the Holy Spirit! Just say a prayer… How about thinking being in church your closer to God? Serving in ministry you’ll grow, find favor, playing church is it all Time well spent? Are we really seeking Jesus in what we do, is He on the forefronts of our minds…it certainly is worth evaluating that there is a huge difference, isn’t it?

I have made money and thought 90% was mine, mine, mine! If God got his 10% I could do whatever I wanted with the rest, right? I mean, I live in America, I work hard, If I can afford luxury, a bigger house, a nicer vehicle, designer clothes, isn’t that my right? God must really love me to have placed me in such a good place to allow me to prosper MYSELF, right?! Is it all Money well spent?

Gaining favor with God, giving of my time the way I thought was right, spending my money on what I thought I deserved, and investing my heart in others…What am I doing?
The enemy uses so many distractions, temptations, alluring the flesh to seek self satisfaction, all for what…to leave us feeling emptier then when we started to pursue our self interests.
All this to say, What am I doing? Why am I doing it?

Why do I do what I do? Is it for acceptance, favor, insecurity, wanting to belong, peer pressure, to advance, to satisfy self? We as people struggle much over these hindrances that cause us to move out on things that were never meant for them or me.

I find myself solving yet another world problem in my little life…laying down my rights for the benefit or love of others. That could be for my immediate others or others I have yet to meet in this world. What am I doing with my resources that benefit someone else other than ME?
Am I using my time without sympathy for how others may desire me to use it? Am I listening and obeying the voice of God? It may seem illogical…may seem harsh…may seem distant…may seem irrational, but at the end of the day…what am I doing? What have I done?

God desires us to decrease so He may increase. What we once did, we may not do any longer. What we once thought was alright we may have found it was against God. God wants us to be humble, totally abandoned to Him, yielded, and completely desperate for Him.

The KEY in what am I doing, is do we ever feel like we are on a hamster wheel doing a lot of nothing? Are we seeking things, people, ministry, or purpose more than we are seeking Jesus? Mary and Martha had this dilemma, Martha was upset that Mary sought out to be with Jesus and Jesus’ own words to Martha where…Martha you are worried about much things, Mary has chosen the better.

If all I do in life is seek Jesus… I have done a great thing however if all I do is seek myself, satisfy myself, flatter myself, lavish myself… I have done nothing more than exercise vanity.
The difference is what is the first thing we seek in any and all circumstances? Who do we talk to, process with, pray, fast, seek and find? I hope its Jesus, Jesus, Jesus how we love Him and adore Him will show in what we say and do. Leaving with the question….What am I doing?