Hard Heart?

Are you angry? Do you struggle with bitterness, stress, or anxiety? Does your heart feel heavy and your spirit weary? I can remember a time in the not so distant past where that was my daily struggle. It was a stronghold that had gripped me for years, the problem was that I didn't even realize it. I had gotten so used to living that way that I just figured that was the way it was supposed to be. My norm, so to speak. It wasn't until a prompting by The Holy Spirit through the words of my own child that I began to realize the state I was in.

"Mom, why do you have to be angry all the time?" HMMM. What to do with that?

My first reaction was to go down my list of usual excuses and justification that had become my first line of defense. "I'm not always angry, I upset now because......, and why can't you people see all that I do?....... I'm trying to get all this done, and I have to hear you all whine and complain instead of helping ......" and the list could go on.

Psalms 8-11

"Harden not your heart as in the day of provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me and proved me, and saw my work. Forty years long was I grieved with this generation,and said, It is a people that do err in their heart, and they have not known my ways. Unto whom I sware in my wrath that they should not enter into my rest."

My heart had gone astray, and I had no rest. The constant weight of anger frustration and bitterness had shrunk me down for years. Bitterness oozed from my being. My children suffered, my husband suffered, my family suffered. I was a mess.

That day, a wonderful transformation took place. The Holy Spirit began , to open my eyes to the truth. I was angry. At everyone and everything. Much of my anger, bitterness and anxiety had built up over the years do to the fact that I was angry at God! Oops, am I allowed to say that? It may not be something that I wanted to admit, but that was the truth as God revealed it to me. As I look back now, He was revealing that truth to me for a long time, but I refused to acknowledge that, for fear of what exactly that meant. How could I be angry at God? Christians are not supposed to be angry at God. It's just not something that is "accepted" so to speak. You just don't get angry at God. Too bad. I couldn't deny it. I wasn't just angry, I was bitter and my heart was hard. I was so mad at Him for the things He allowed in my life. I was furious at Him for not protecting me. My bitterness mounted up for years had changed my countenance to the point that I lived in bitterness and frustration most of the time. And my family was dealing with the brunt of it!

We'll what was I to do? I was angry at God. And this day, there was no getting around it.

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time:Casting all your care upon Him for He careth for you.

So, I just surrendered it all to Him. I allowed myself to be broken to the point of total abandon and let God do His perfect work. Did He "get me" you ask? Did He shoot out lightning from the sky and strike me down right there? No. Obviously not since I am writing this now.
It was nothing short of AWESOME!

HE met me there. And He loved me there. A miracle occurred in my heart that day, when He graciously allowed me to accept Him and His love. It had always been there, but I hadn't known how to accept it. In fact, I couldn't accept it before, because I was angry and bound by my stronghold of bitterness. With His great loving kindness He whispered His truths to me and revealed my own heart. And it was UGLY! I repented,and He once again, graciously forgave me. I learned in that place, that God, was not The God I thought He was. He was not the God I was taught He was.

From that moment on, we embarked on a new journey together. He has shown me over and over again How much He loves me, and does care for me. He provides for me like no one else can. My God supplies all my needs and gives me love unconditionally and over abundantly. He has released me from the bondage that held me captive for so many years. Do I still struggle with anger? Yes, I do. However, I know now that the my best defense is a good offense. I get on my knees and give it to God.
How about you? Where are you in your journey of faith? What is standing between you and all that God has for you today?
Hebrews 3:12 Take heed brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God.